Following the Stars Part Three: Staying in Comfort or Choosing Growth
Image by Anna Sun Art
I ended yesterday’s blog on a bit of a cliffhanger.
Mostly because I wanted to devote today’s blog to the one part of my natal chart that changed every aspect of my life. When Brian and I explored this topic together, it’s what convinced us that we needed to spend some time apart. It’s also given both of us the map we needed to feel confident about our next moves.
If you’re going on a trip or exploring a new place, that means breaking out a physical map or a packet of printed Mapquest directions or setting up google maps (depending on your age!)
Whatever method you use, if you’re trying to get somewhere new, a roadmap helps you get there. Can you make your way without one? Probably. Do you still have to travel over potholes and through winding roads regardless? Yupp. But when you have a map or a GPS, you’re helped along the way. Even though you might have to travel through some rough roads, you know you’re headed in the right direction.
That’s exactly what astrology is to me. It’s a tool, a GPS, a roadmap.
It’s a way of getting direction for our life while navigating winding and sometimes treacherous roads. It’s a help, a sign. Just like Genesis 1:14 said it should be.
God gave us a map, a place where his creations– the world he created and the people he designed– intersect and interact to reveal truth and give help. The Bible is another tool God gave us, but it isn’t where the story ends. It continues in us and in the world each day. (If this is a topic that interests you as much as it interests me, check out this book. Please buy it. Please read it. It’s a great (and funny!) read.
No part of astrology has been a better map leading to more unexpected but necessary destinations than “nodes.”
As that first reading of my natal chart continued, my astrologer explained that we all have a north node and a south node. Our south node is our default, our comfort zone. It’s the way we’ve learned to move around in the world, who we’ve had to become to survive. It’s become what’s natural to us. We don’t have to work hard to operate out of our south node.
But the north node she described as your purpose.
My tell-all memoir
Sleeping with a Stranger is officially available everywhere books are sold, in hardcover, paperback, ebook, and audiobook. Since the book’s luanch, I’ve been amazed by how it has been received. From being named a best seller by USA Today, the Wall Street Journal, Amazon and Barnes & Noble to incredibly personal and touching reviews from my amazing readers, it’s been such a wild journey!
Here is one of my favorite reviews…
“Wow - did this story make me cry. And laugh. Jessica shares a story most would be scared to tell and watching how her marriage grew from it is an inspiration to us all. I also didn't expect to learn so much from it. Jessica's experience in empowerment was a program for us all - from waking up early to finding the space for meditation - she not only tells a powerful story but offers some real-world solutions to our overwhelmed lives. A really needed read during these times - when we finally have some time to read! Thank you Jessica - so excited to hear more from you!” — Kristen, Amazon Reviewer
When she said this, I felt a shock through my entire system. It was as if God himself was saying, “Ok Jess, you’ve been trying to figure out how to get to your purpose? That purpose you’ve felt was calling you ever since the car accident when you were three? I’ve seen you trying, but you keep missing it, and you will continue to miss it if you don’t listen to this right here because right here lies your answer.”
In order to live into my purpose, I needed to stop operating out of my south node– what came naturally to me, my default– and start living into my north node. I needed to leave comfort in order to experience growth.
Sometimes I imagine the south node like a ceiling. If we keep trying the same things, defaulting to the same ways of being in the world, we’ll keep hitting our heads on the ceiling every time we try to grow. We’re boxed in.
But if we flip everything upside down and give up what feels comfortable and find balance through exploring our north node, we suddenly have access to a limitless horizon to grow and bloom.
I think it helps to have real examples, so I’ll share what she told me about my own north and south nodes.
continue reading below
Special Offer for my Readers
If you want to know more about who you are and how to navigate the world with more peace and empathy, both towards yourself and the people you love, diving into the basics of astrology is a great place to start!
Jessie Eccles is my favorite voice speaking into the astrology space because she’s a straightforward, hardworking mom and business owner and takes a no-nonsense approach to astrology, always sharing complex topics and insights in simple and practical ways.
In her course, Dive Into Your Soul: Astrology Levels 1 & 2, Jessie shares self-paced lessons to help you access peace in the midst of difficult decisions and transitions so you can create a fulfilled and aligned life.
Your code to get 20% off her course is JESSICAZIM
Go grab her course and dive in! Then DM me so we can freak out about all the truth you’ve uncovered along the way!
She told me that my south node was in Capricorn and my north node was in Cancer. Here’s what that actually means…
She explained that everyone has a balance of masculine and feminine energies inside them, and given my past– the independence I took on in childhood after losing my sister, the caretaker and provider role I had to take on when Brian was sick and dying, the HBIC business owner paying the bills for her family– all of these required masculine energy. This became my comfort zone. I was the planner, the go-getter, the get-it-done-er. I’d lost all my feminine energy. This was my south node. And when things got tough, when plans didn’t unfold the way I thought they would, I turned into that masculine energy even more.
So accessing my north node, my purpose, the next steps on my path toward becoming more myself, would require accessing Divine Feminine energy. Giving up independence for community interdependence. Being willing to be led instead of demanding to be the leader in every situation. Allowing people to take care of me and relaxing my standards for myself in work and my personal life.
As she explained these nodes, the truth of her words shocked me. How could the day, time, and place of my birth reveal such accurate insights into who I am and who I’ve become? Because these nodes couldn’t have been more accurate.
So in order to get to my purpose, I need to be more feminine? Not work independently? Learn to work with others? Be more domesticated? This did not sound fun to me at all. This was not my comfort zone. But when I looked at my south/north node and then later looked at Brian’s south/north node, they made so much sense.
And it became so very clear that we needed some time apart to find ourselves again as individuals. Because being under the same roof wasn’t going to help either of us become our best selves.
Brian’s south node revealed that his comfort zone was dependence– mainly on me. Again, out of necessity. His physical illness and then mental depression led him to lose all his masculine energy. Brian’s north node called him to step into boldness, independence, decisiveness, and assertiveness… all the things I typically took on, because that’s what our pasts had demanded from us.
So there we were simply repelling one another energetically. I couldn’t access Divine Femininity with a partner who kept waiting for me to move our family forward and get things done, and Brian couldn’t learn how to be bold and independent if I kept stepping in before he had the chance.
Seeing this truth in black and white gave us permission to voice what we’d already been feeling: that to grow into our purpose, our roads needed to diverge. Who we were wasn’t what either of us needed to become who we were meant to be. And while that was a painful and complicated realization, neither of us questioned that it was true.
As a last note, I just want to remind you that there is no shame in who you are in your south node. You can’t get to where you want to go without knowing where you are, and your south node tells you where you are.
Finding balance means using both what we’re comfortable with and what’s outside of our comfort zone. If you entirely abandon the traits you’ve picked up in your south node, that isn’t balance either. But by identifying our south nodes, we can become more aware of repeated patterns, and then we can choose when and how to step into those growth areas. If you want to read more about that, you can check out that article here.
I’m continuing this journey with an even deeper look in the next blog.
Jessie and I go into more detail about this topic on the podcast here.
I’m committed to keeping the work I share FREE to my readers, not hidden behind a paywall.
If you’d like to support my work so I can continue providing free resources, click the button below then select a giving option. Thank you!
Like this post?
Pin it for later
CHECK OUT THE FULL FOLLOWING THE STARS SERIES HERE:
Watch my TED Talk
You can dive even deeper into my story of growth and healing by clicking below.
This post may contain affiliate links.
The New Moon reminds us that new beginnings are always possible.
The New Moon in Virgo is inviting you to the places in you where you feel unloved. It’s a time to have compassion for yourself. It’s also a time to define your boundaries with yourself and others.