How to Build Community in a Competitive Industry
One of the most common questions my Bloomers ask me is, “How can I create community in my local wedding industry?”
In an industry where we all know to tout the phrase “community over competition,” why is it still so dang hard to create real community with the people who live and work closest to us?
I’m going to keep it real here. The problem is probably you.
Yikes.
But if we can figure out why we internally resist building community while waiting for it to be delivered to us on a silver platter, we can start to make real, practical steps towards changing the culture of our local vendor community.
Here are four ways you might be resisting connection in your local industry without even realizing it:
You’re finding yourself complaining instead of acting.
It just is easier to notice the need for a local community than to do anything about it. Maybe you’re waiting for the off season when you’ll have more time to be friendly. Maybe you’re waiting to find a “friendor” you immediately click with. Maybe you’re waiting to think up some big, community-building event.
Stop waiting for the right timing, or the right connection. If you’re noticing a need, meet the need. Just do one small thing, today, to reach out to someone in your local industry. And maybe start with your biggest competition.It’s anyone’s job but yours.
You’re probably one of two types of people. You could be the type of person that thinks that anyone else would be better at creating connection than you. Maybe you see yourself as a small fish in the big pond of your local wedding industry. When you see other vendors post in Instagram, you envy their cohesive feeds, their styled shoots, or the other vendors they get to work with. Maybe you’re not the “celebrity planner” of your city. So what? Business owners at every level feel disconnected and isolated. If you’re a floral designer with four hundred followers, and you write a sweet, encouraging email to a nearby photographer with 10k followers, she’s not going to be mad at you. It might be just what she needs.
Or, you could be the second type of person. You could be someone at the top of your industry. You have big budget clients and you haven’t had a weekend off in years. Surely, everyone else has more time to be community minded than you. And do you really need community if you’re already at the top?
Yupp. While things might be going great now, what happens when you get in a car accident and can’t do a wedding setup? It’d be nice to have a friend in the industry who knows and cares for you and can help out. What if you have a freelancer cancel last minute? It’d be great to text a local designer to see if he’s free to help. Maybe you’re finishing an arrangement late on a friday night and you realize you’re out of floral foam. Amazon Prime isn’t that fast. Remember, if we want to go far, we need each other.You’re scared to sacrifice your special.
Maybe this is what you’re thinking deep down: “if I get close to other people, I’m going to have to give away all my tricks, and then there’s nothing that will set me apart.”
Let me tell you this. You are so much more than a collection of information, education, and experience. No one can do this job like you can because of who you are, not because of what you know. As someone who gave away all her business secrets only to find renewed purpose and increased profits, when you share your triumphs and struggles, you can find the key to your own success and others’.
You also need to check your mindset. A fixed mindset is when you tell yourself you’re either good at something or you’re not, that your expertise has limits. If that’s true, then you need to hoard your talents and expertise, because if you were to share it, you’d have nothing left to make you special. A growth mindset, however, says that I can achieve anything if I work at it. That there is no limit to my potential. Therefore, if I give something away, it’s no big deal. There is no end to my expertise, insight, and talent.
Want to read more about growth v. fixed mindset? Check here.You’re holding onto grudges and unresolved conflict.
The elephant in the reception hall. Do I really want to become friends with the photographer who never sends me photos after weddings? Do I really want to reach out to the planner who wants a little too much say in my floral designs? Do I really want to spend any extra time with the owner of the best venue in town, but who is also really strict about parking?
Yupp, you do. These are the people we have to work with. None of us can pull off a wedding alone, and we can’t improve working relationships by distancing ourselves from those we struggle with. Not only will that make tensions worse, but eventually we’ll run out of people to work with! It’s way easier to roll your eyes at someone’s Instagram. Maybe it’s time to unfollow on Instagram and grab coffee in real life.
Once you figure out what’s happening internally to get in the way of creating community, here are some ideas of what you can do externally.
Together Dinner
In 2015, I started hosting a dinner for local creatives in the industry. I called it the ‘Together Dinner,’ as it was a time where we could all come together, putting aside competition and comparison, to be together, learn from each other, and be at the receiving end of a beautiful, styled dinner.
To me, our local wedding community is like the ivy that covers a beautiful brick wall. The wall of ivy might look like a giant sea of green, but it didn’t start out that way. At one point, the ivy started as tiny, individual plants that, over time, grew and intertwined to create a strong and resilient ivy wall. That’s how we are, as a local wedding industry. We rely on each other, and our skills and specialties intertwine and cross over. Some of us create beautiful paper goods, or take stunning photographs, or set up perfect mood lighting, or design luscious florals. The more we recognize and appreciate our need for each other, the more we can thrive individually and corporately.
Since we all spend so much time putting together magical events for our clients, I figured it was time that we treat ourselves to a beautiful dinner.
Let me tell you something, things change when you share a meal with someone. Since our first Together Dinner (view the blogs on this dinner here and here), I’ve seen vendors in our industry grab breakfast together, send each other encouraging notes, or leave sweet, genuine comments on social media posts. Once, during a wedding set-up, a Together Dinner attendee put down her camera to help me lug buckets of flowers into a venue in the pouring rain.
WHEN YOU’RE SITTING ELBOW TO ELBOW WITH SOMEONE, COMPETITION AND PETTY GRUDGES DON’T SEEM AS IMPORTANT, AND THAT CAN TOTALLY CHANGE THE FEEL OF AN EVENT, AND THE FUTURE OF YOUR LOCAL INDUSTRY.
If your local vendors need a kick-start to create a community atmosphere, consider hosting your own industry gathering! If you need some inspiration, check out the hashtag #jztogetherdinner on instagram! Whenever your slow season is, make the most of it. Sit down with your local community and make friends out of vendors and head into this season excited to collaborate on each wedding.
If you want some inspiration to create your own Together Dinner, check out our Together Dinner featured on Cottage Hill and Flutter.
Small Steps
Maybe it’s not your personality or gift to plan a big dinner for a bunch of people you don’t know. That’s fine! That’s not the only way to connect and build bridges. Here are some ideas for small steps to build community.
Identify your own needs and anticipate those needs in others.
When we’re a few months deep into wedding season, we could all use someone checking in on us. When you find yourself leaving a long planning meeting, craving some ice cream or a glass of wine, you can bet a vendor friend is feeling the same way. Maybe Uber Eats them their favorite meal (wish we had Uber Eats here in Arkansas! Jealous of you big city people.) If you’re feeling sore and tired after an intense installation setup, feeling like you could use a good massage or pedicure, you can bet one of your florist friends feels the same way. Call a local nail salon and have a gift card sent to him or her. Maybe half way through the season, you find yourself a great virtual assistant and it’s totally revolutionizing your workflow. Why don’t you share your new insights with some friends you know could use it?
Who doesn’t love getting an unexpected gift? Every November, my annual planning month, I get a bunch of really pretty note cards. If I’m working with a vendor I’d love to work with again, I’ll hand them the card in person as I’m finishing my set-up. I tell them how much I’ve loved working and I stick a little gift card in there too, even if it’s just $10 to Starbucks. Once I start getting referrals from these favorite vendors, I send them a visa gift card for 1% of the total sale. Keep in mind, that might not be a huge amount. I once gave a photographer a $20 visa gift card after she sent a client my way who spent two thousand dollars. She continued to refer me, and I continued to give her gift cards. After a certain 2018 wedding, I was thrilled to hand her a $1,200 gift card. Do the math on that one!
They’re not expecting a kick-back, but I love showing genuine gratitude for the business vendors send my way! Almost all of my favorite clients have found me through vendor recommendations!
Unfollow on Instagram, and reach out in real life.
Sometimes, it’s just not the healthiest thing for us to follow local vendors on social media, especially when that vendor shares our same client pool. If you’re a photographer and you can’t look at another photographer’s page without feeling discouraged that you can’t perfect that dreamy, filmy edit like they can, or you’re a floral designer and you can’t stop thinking about why that couple booked another local designer instead of you, then you need to unfollow!
JUST DO IT.
If you need to, reach out to the vendors you’re unfollowing and say something like this--
“Hey, ________, if you noticed I unfollowed you on instagram, it’s not because I don’t love your work! In order to create my best original work for my clients, I’ve decided not to follow anyone in our local wedding industry. I can’t wait to continue supporting each other and collaborating on events, and of course I’ll still credit and tag you whenever I post! Thanks for understanding!”
Speak the words.
We’ve all had times when we feel like someone is better at something than we are. That’s because they are. Remember, we can’t all be great at everything; we need each other’s gifts to grow and thrive.
If you have specific things that you admire in your local vendors (including local competition), write them a letter or email encouraging them about that thing instead of festering in jealousy. If you’re envious of someone and you keep it secret, it can fester. If you instead decide to celebrate that person for what they’re great at, the jealousy loses its power. When you recognize yourself feeling jealous or fighting comparison, lean in. Get real close to whoever you’re feeling insecure about. Again, the closer you get to someone, the harder it is to dislike them. And there’s enough room at the table for everyone.
Sometimes, however, we might feel justified anger or resentment towards someone in our industry. If that happens and you feel like you can’t just ignore it, try writing a letter or drafting an email venting your frustrations. Get it all out. Then, don’t send the letter. Sometimes, we just need to get the anger out of our bodies and onto paper, and then we’re able to move on. I’ve had to do this before and it totally helps!
Focus on your own why.
You have to know why you’re doing this-- why you’re passionate about your work. And it has to be specific. If you’re freaking out right now because you don’t know your why or even what that means, check out this awesome video!
If just ‘being #1’ in your industry is your motivator, then any threat to that will feel debilitating. When you’re specific about your why, you can turn your attention to meeting the specific industry needs that you feel are yours to own, and you can be happy when other vendors find their niche too. I know that my motivation is to have as much time with my family as possible. Every decision I make is filtered through that lens. Then , if (and when) I don’t get every wedding, I genuinely. Don't. Care. I remember that I don’t actually want every wedding. I just want the right weddings.
When you don’t have the emotional or physical energy to do anything else, just take a moment to focus on your why! It’ll allow you to realign your intentions and celebrate others.
Comment below with some ideas you have to build community!
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