How to Own Your Story and Produce a Life You Love with Sheri Selata
For this episode I got to sit down with THE Sheri Salata. Sheri is the co creator of The Pillar Life, author of The Beautiful No, and former co-president of Harpo Studios and the Oprah Winfrey Network. She was also the executive producer of the The Oprah Winfrey Show. While her list of accolades is long, Sheri tends to define herself by the simple title that has most defined her life: storyteller. During our conversation, I got to hear Sheri’s story first-hand, from her days with Oprah through the personal reckoning that became the inspiration for her book, and what her life looks like now. In her book and in this interview, Sheri gracefully grapples with issues like honoring your body, knowing when it’s time to explore your own passions, and bravely embracing a wholehearted life. By the end of the episode, I was so moved by Sheri’s wisdom that I kind of lost my cool and sounded like a blubbering idiot. It really was a dream-come-true experience getting to talk to her.
From building a career to building a life
First, I got to hear about Sheri’s time as Oprah's executive producer and what it was like for her to be the “woman behind the woman” at OWN. She said Opera picked her for this role because Sheri “knew her heart,” and she kept a framed note on her desk reminding her of this reason. Storytelling, both with Oprah and in her own business, has always been at the heart of what Sheri does. After learning about her time with Opera, we discussed her transition to becoming an entrepreneur. When the time came for her to follow the freedom and passion she wanted, she was able to take all she learned from her 30 year career and put her knowledge and skills to the service of her own business and personal growth journey. Although she had a dream job working with Opera, she realized she was single-minded in her focus on work, and it became the perfect excuse to not prioritize the other areas of her life. She had manifested the career of her dreams, but not the life of her dreams. During her career she had come to believe that achievement determined her worth and worthiness of love. It wasn’t until she stepped away completely that she was able to take stock of her life and had the sudden realization that she needed to go in the direction of happiness and stop seeking validation from outside of herself.
The Reckoning
Next, I wanted to know about Sheri’s revelation that her middle of life crisis was something to be celebrated, and not a reason to slow down. She noticed women around age fifty began to disintegrate as though they had an expiration date. Instead, Sheri felt like she still had another forty years left in her, and she wasn’t ready to slow down. She wanted to spend that time tackling new adventures, not looking back on the “glory days.”
The biggest change for her was learning how to “be” and not just “do,” and to spend her days “being” rather than living by a never-ending to-do list. In order to learn how to “be” she went through what she calls “The Reckoning”, an honest to goodness rebuild of her life, accompanied by a real change of heart. In her book, The Beautiful No, she addressed five areas in her life where she endured a reckoning. She wrote that she had been an untrustworthy steward of her own well-being and could feel rock bottom under her feet. Sheri’s reckoning process was one from shame to tenderness to hope. Sheri explains that in order to know our dreams and where we’re creating from, we have to take a serious look at where we’re starting from, and we need to be kind to ourselves as we rebuild. She said that while the process looks different for each person, for her it was an internal process and figuring out the areas in her life that matter to her. When we take the time to be by ourselves, to ask the hard questions then we’re able to rebuild and figure out our dreams, we can usually concoct our own recipe for life-change.
INTENTIONAL FRIENDSHIP, BOUNDARIES AND COMMITMENT
We discussed her friendship with Nancy Hala. Nancy and Sheri both wanted to have an intentional friendship, which meant supporting each other to live the lives of their dreams. They did not want to relate to one another and build their bond of friendship in the usual ways. They didn’t want to complain about life and commiserate about their own individual issues. Instead, they chose a different path, one where they held each other accountable to the positive changes they wanted to make in their lives. Our conversation about friendship led us to discuss boundaries. I always try to guard what I consume, not just with food, but with what I watch, listen to, read, and who I surround myself with. We need to be the curators of our own lives and commitment to our dreams is part of creating the life we want. For Sheri, radical self care has helped her reframe the concept of boundaries in her life. She now makes her decisions and commitments through the lens of, Iif I love myself most, what decision would I make here?” This simple question allows her to show up for herself and her commitments more joyfully. She’s discovered, now that she is a trustworthy steward of her own wellbeing, she no longer commits to things she has no intention of doing and she has begun to take things off of her bucket list and add them to her life list. She’s using her producer skills and enlisting them to the service of her own happiness.
A wholehearted life
My time with Sheri went by way too quickly! If you want to learn more about Sheri’s story, and the beautiful ‘no’ that launched her into an amazing career and a wholehearted life, be sure to check out The Pillar Life and pick up a copy of The Beautiful No wherever books are sold.