Uncovering Divine Femininity: Flourishing in Divine Love | Part 4
“She let it go. She was ready to vibrate higher and become a magnet to miracles. Now she is in this place where everything feels right. Her heart is calm. Her soul is lit. Her vision is clear. She’s at peace with where she’s been. And at peace with where she’s headed.”
-Anonymous
My journey to uncovering my Divine Feminine started because of an imbalance in my relationship with Brian. Our wounded energies and unhealthy patterns revealed to both of us ways we needed to heal. In some ways, I wish we hadn’t had to hurt and harm each other to discover this, and in some ways, I’m so grateful that the person who got to see my woundedness the clearest was someone I trust and love as much as Brian.
You don’t need to end a marriage or even be in a relationship to see your woundedness and heal from it, but because that was the lens through which I could finally wake up to my disunity and energetic imbalance, it’s clear to me how romantic relationships can reveal whether someone is operating out of divine love or wounded energy.
Over the past 18 months since being separated from Brian, I’ve learned that a true Feminine doesn’t need to challenge or oppose the mature Masculine; instead she can go to him for support. He has a plan and can be trusted to protect her.
A true Masculine doesn't run from the mature Feminine, he welcomes her intimacy and feels safe to share his thoughts and dreams with her.
If more of us were able to tap into this reality, the level of deep love and trust we could experience would go far in healing our world.
Both Brian and I– although it was really hard to admit– were tired of pretending we had romantic intimacy. It was lukewarm at best. While we cared deeply for one another, we were repelling each other energetically. We were absolutely hindering one another from becoming the best versions of ourselves, and on some level I think we knew this, which bred passive resentment in us. And the only way we knew how to heal was to– maybe for the first time–truly, love one another unconditionally, which meant setting each other free to grow, even if that meant growing away from each other.
The saying “happy wife, happy life” is a form of emotional manipulation that keeps the Masculine from finding his own way. This is why so many men end up losing their identity in marriage or long-term relationships. Men do not exist just to please women and women do not exist just to please men. The Conscious Feminine doesn’t look for a partner who bases his worth off of his ability to make her happy. The Conscious Masculine and Conscious Feminine look for a partner who is committed to finding their own fulfillment and who is able to open their heart so that they can share their journey with someone they mutually respect and care for.
Because we had developed this codependency, we both had lost our individual identities. Turns out, when you are in a healthy relationship, you should become more of who you were made to be, not less. True interdependent love sets us free to be who we are.
Love is not controlling. Love is not performance based. Love doesn't need to be earned.
When we are loved unconditionally we can take full responsibility for our own actions and behaviors because we don't have to use them as a bargaining tool to receive love.
Because love is our birthright.
In many ways, I wanted Brian to change, to prove he loved me enough to stand up for me, because I didn’t want to have to change. I didn’t want to see the ways I wasn’t standing up for myself.
So often, we as women try to fix and even mother the needs, pain, and fears of other people as a way to avoid our own needs, pain, and fears.
We call in people who need us instead of want us so we can focus on fixing them instead of ourselves.
We wonder why we keep attracting relationships where we have to embody this role. When in reality, we don’t leave room in our life for someone to fill any other role. We don’t leave room for that Divine Masculine energy.
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Now that I’ve disengaged from a codependent relationship that relied on each other living out of wounded energy, this is how I believe those rooted in Divine Femininity can attract their Divine Masculine counterpart:
Focus on receiving. A healthy masculine looks for a healthy feminine who has made space to receive him. A Divine Masculine doesn’t want to be mothered and doesn’t want to be kept on the outside looking in. If the only space in your life is for someone who will fit into your plans, you will attract someone with wounded masculine or feminine energy, and you will continue having to bring masculine energy.
Live into your Divine Feminine. The Divine Feminine energy is inherently magnetic. Trust it. The feminine energy is far more about trusting who you are than what you do. It’s the tone of your voice and the flow of your body. Trust that the core of who you are will attract your Divine counterpart.
Practice partnership through communication. Divine love requires communication, but not over-communication. Learn to explain something once, and then trust your lover to understand and respond. Remember, you don’t need to over-explain. You’re not parenting. You’re partnering.
This over-communicating can be a big issue, at least for me. I grew up feeling very misunderstood, and I never felt like my words described well enough how I was feeling because my feelings rarely were validated, so I assumed I wasn’t explaining them well enough.
I had a lesson to learn, so I subconsciously attracted a husband who did the same thing. When I would share with Brian something that was bothering me, something that I wish he had done or wish he hadn’t, I would always over-explain.
When I would share with Brian something he did or didn’t do and how that hurt me, he wouldn’t say anything. So I would explain it again, in another way, maybe use a different analogy or metaphor. He wouldn’t really say anything…or he certainly wouldn’t say what I wanted, which was to make me feel safe, for me to believe him and trust that he’d protect me so I wouldn’t feel this way again.
But Brian is a people pleaser, and in his Wounded Masculine energy, it was easier to not have confrontation with anyone else, to just wait for me to get over it.
But I wanted different action, so I would over explain and over explain my point of view. Which led to me taking over more and more control, and having bigger and bigger expectations, thinking, “If he really loved me, he would protect me,” and having those childhood messages that I wasn’t lovable or worthy of protection confirmed.
Now, I notice when people take responsibility and understand my words the first time.
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I recently went on a walk with a guy friend of mine. I can’t remember what happened exactly but I remember he said something that hurt my feelings. I expressed this to him. He said, “I understand. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
Now I’ve heard those words before, from Brian and others, but I never believed them. Because I was shown over and over again that I couldn’t believe them. So without skipping a beat, I began to explain why I was hurt…again.
I started to explain it using a different analogy. My friend stopped walking, he turned and looked directly at me. He said, “I heard you the first time. I apologized to you. I said it won’t happen again and it won’t. Don’t beat me over the head with it. Let’s move on.”
I was completely shocked. Now from the outside, one might think he was a little rude to me, but he wasn’t. He was doing exactly what a Divine Masculine does. He wasn’t going to allow me to continue to fester. He knew our time together was short and he didn’t want to waste it. I felt safe. I believed him when he said it wouldn’t happen again. I could physically feel the armor I had put on falling back off, and I was able to be more myself.
I have so much gratitude for my relationships, even those that cause me pain. Because they helped me return to my truest self. Life is a journey, a journey of hopefully healing your heart and learning the life lessons that need to be learned .
And just like most journeys, the truth is, there’s really no end or final destination. There are just temporary pauses between adventures. In the same way, no one ever “arrives” at healing. No person is 100% healed, because healing isn’t linear.
Sometimes we are dragging ourselves to move forward. It feels like we are grandma going 15 miles an hour on the interstate. And sometimes we feel like nothing could stop us, like we are totally killing it.
Often times it feels like one step forwards, two steps back. Sometimes we are paralyzed and can’t move at all. We’re all over the place. But that’s the process!
And here’s the good news:
You do NOT need to be 100% healed to deserve love and good things in your life. Remember, you are responsible for you. Other people are responsible for them. You can enjoy your life with others while still maintaining self awareness to love yourself unconditionally without shame or guilt.
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If you really look at it, some people come into your life to teach you things.
Some are painful, some are joyful, some hurt, and some are wonderful.
When they leave, you can be angered and confused by it or you can look deeper for the gift and the lesson available to you in their departure .
We choose how we see things, how we remember things, based on the energy we fill and fuel our lives with.
When we live out of fear, unforgiveness, anger, resentment and pain color our memories and experiences.
When we live out of love, forgiveness, gratefulness, acceptance and understanding frame those memories and experiences.
The energy you keep affects your body, your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions and your life, so let go, and go in love.
Energy is something we can give and something we can absorb, so the most important thing for you to protect is who has access to your energy and who are you giving your precious energy to.
When you are in a relationship of any kind - romance, friendship, work, parental, sibling, - with someone who is constantly down, low vibe, low energy, argumentative, unaware, defensive or who doesn’t express their emotions at all, please remember you are not in a relationship with them. You are in a relationship with their wounded inner child that they refuse to heal. Because it’s all they know. And familiarity feels like comfort. And their brain tells them that familiar feeling is safe.
As much as you want to, you absolutely cannot wait around for them to change. The best thing you can do for them is to STOP WAITING.
Go ALL IN on you. Sink into your heart and heal the wounding in you that attracted this kind of relationship in the first place. There is some part of you that is comfortable in accepting less than what your soul knows you deserve. Ask yourself why? Peel back the layers. Go all in on YOU.
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This relationship is holding a mirror up to parts of yourself that still need healing. So don’t deflect. Look into that mirror and accept what you see.
Your energetic healing gives them space for theirs. They will choose to heal or they won’t. But that’s on them. Not you.
You can only meet the relationships in your lives as deeply as you’ve met yourself.
One of the core traits of a Divine Feminine is that she gives others the space to explore their free will. That means no helicopter parenting and no nagging. She is confident enough in her identity and value that she knows the relationships that are meant for her will return to her.
Our relationships are our mirrors. Sometimes they show us parts of ourselves that we don’t want to see, parts that we’ve kept buried and hidden because we were ashamed of them. Other times they show us parts of ourselves that we’ve forgotten and that are waiting to be reclaimed. Sometimes, in very deep connections, we get a glimpse of our higher self in the image of another. This person shows us the full potential of our Core Feminine or our Inner Feminine energy. Some will feel a pull towards them while others will feel repelled, often it will be a mix of both. The trick is to not chase or run from the reflection, but to learn to embody what they’ve shown us that we can be.
Returning to wholeness means trusting your intuition. When you rely solely on logic to make decisions, you are also relying solely on masculine energy. Logic has its place, but so does the intuitive process. When you are present in the moment and open to life, your intuition acts like a personal GPS guidance system, allowing you to move in the correct direction with balance and grace.
Let go in understanding and acceptance and when you do, your heart and your soul will open up to the lessons life has to offer you.
The most epic love story of all is you. Healing. From all of it. And living free.
So go forward. Learn, grow, return to yourself, and remember the love from which you were made.
And to anyone who feels like it’s too late, telling yourself “I’ve made my bed and now I have to lay in it,” don’t be afraid to start again. This is YOUR life. The beauty of “starting over” a little later in life is that you aren’t starting from scratch. You’re starting from experience.
The Divine Feminine honors her intuition. Her imagination. Her heart. She gives all of these things space in her life.
Feminine energy is, above all, creative energy. The Divine Feminine births all ideas and all innovation. So, a major indicator that your feminine energy is returning is your reconnection to your creative side.
Even though the journey may never be over as you pursue healing and wholeness, you will begin to start seeing the fruit of that journey. You’ll start to feel a return of your feminine energy. You’ll feel it in your bones. You’ll remember. And creative expression will act as a guidepost that you’re on the right path.
In the act of creation, you amplify and embody the very essence of the feminine. In the next blog, I share with you how this showed up for me.
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If you’ve read other posts in this series, you know that about a year into my 18 month return to the Divine Feminine, I had a breakdown. And I thought, “okay, this is officially rock bottom.” I had called in experiences that left me with only two choices: to break down and heal repeated cycles of hurt, or to just stay broken. I wanted to be broken down so that I could then be restored. And I was.
But first, I spent a couple of days on the floor weeping, and I remember feeling despair like I’d never known. My immediate reaction was the one I’d relied on over and over again throughout my life– even though I had worked hard for a year to uncover my Divine Feminine, but in this moment of despair, I wanted my Wounded Masculine energy back.
I wanted to put up walls and tell myself the other person is the problem.
It’s easier to do that.